some relief...

This week has been off to a good start. Hit the gym yesterday, and today, feeling really good about myself.
My metabolism has been burning like crazy.

The whole thing with that girl I had fun with one friday night is now off.
It had its good one night run. Even so there was no sex, not that I actually care. I figured I would have to include that detail in so you could get an accurate feeling of who i am. Not that it really matters, lol.

Its actually easier this way for various reasons.


I'm off to keep it real and do more homework.

Destroy.

-Pete

interesting end to my week.

First off, I would like to comment on the whole NIU shooting. I dont want to mention anything particular about the shooting itself, but I would like to touch on the subject of protesting the funerals.
Homophobia in this country is a disease and honestly people need to stop being part of the problem.
When you do things like protest the Manson concert, or protest funerals, I honestly don't understand how you people get the guts to do these kinds of things.

Blaming Manson on your kids problems is very irresponsible and immature.


I'm honestly sick of all this bullshit in this country.

--------


On another really good note. I met a girl this past week, we were at a party on Friday and we left, got some pizza and went to her place. I ended up staying at her place till 6am. It was a pretty interesting night.

She's a great girl with alot to offer. I just hope that I dont get her emotional tangled in me. So I've been honest with what I've wanted. I just want to take it easy with this for once and not get heavy into a relationship. Shes seemed to be cool about it, both of our past have been kinda rocky with relationships so this should be an interesting time for me.
I'm really confused as to what I really want, but I think the whole taking it slow thing is really needed for me, because right now isnt a very good time for me to be getting deep into stuff simply because I had a rough ride last semester. I almost lost my head, and I think something serious right now isnt anything good for my health at all.
Hopefully if I explain myself a couple more times I can get her to understand, I dont think it should be too big of a deal.

But Friday night was awesome. Enjoyed myself alot.

-Pete

Herbie, not Kanye

So Herbie Hancock won the award for the Best album of the Year. Basically really cool that he did because every other artist was R+B or hip hop, or rock. So for him to win its big news for a lot of people.

So congrats to Herbie. And Kanye West is a fuckin douch bag.



On another note. I'm actually really looking forward to this week. If I just stick with my usual routine then all will be good. And my horoscope told me its suppose to be good.
As long as I can stick with the gym, and keep up with my school stuff, then all will be cool.
The fact that I dont really like anyone really bums me out, but I guess thats just what happens.

I hope this week brings me some cheer.

night.

still awake.

I have to be up for class tomorrow and I'm still awake.
I dont know whats keeping me up... at this point I'm just confused.
I wish I had a better understanding of why I'm still running on full speed after an entire day of going insane.

I've also been pondering the whole girl thing, and I've come so far, yet I feel like I'm getting nowhere at all. This is torture.

I'm a good man, I deserve a little honest reward from time to time, and you might think I'm referring to pussy itself, but that is simply turning a body part into material, which is not satisfying.
I need a woman, even if its just for a 2 week period so I can learn from it, I wouldn't mind.

I really need to get to bed.
The weekend is almost here, and I'm ready for it.
-Pete

Love is blind.

Well.
This is the way it goes. The girl that I happen to like is seeing someone.
Totally saw this coming. I asked a friend of hers and he apparently had the same problem last semester.
So not that my cognition is justified, I guess I can be more easy about the situation.
For now I'll be on the down low.

I'm glad I at least have the balls to ask people and get the facts.

-Pete

Its feels good to be part of something.

Today was a great day.
Class in the morning was the same old stuff.
then went to the gym around 1pm. Got in a good workout.
Got my mom's package in the mail and I'm pretty happy about that.
Did a 4 hour recording session for a demo of my friends song, also my friend alayna was producing so it was her project.
Had pizza during the session, and I played well.

My goals got accomplished today, feels really great.

Haven't spoken to wonder woman since yesterday.

Now its midnight and I'm just exhausted.
So goodnight.

-Pete

Coffee will cure all that ails you...

Well. It happened - I asked her out for coffee. I know on here it might sound like a big deal, or like I'm just a little school boy, but this is a big deal for me.

She told me she didn't know how her schedule looked like, but I told her just to let me know whatever.
I'm not really sure how she feels about it, I'm simply going on vagueness, but this looks pretty positive.

Lets hope that things will seem more obvious. I dont like thinking about whether a girl likes me or not. I wish I had more blunt ways to tell.

Hope you all have yourself a good week. Mine started off just fine.

Goodnight.
-Pete

no signs... hopefully sometime soon.

No signs of wonder women for miles.
I'm still hopefull I will talk to her sometime this week, and hopefully I can show some of my sensitive side again.
I dont think that this is my ticket to happiness for my college career, I dont expect it that way, but I'm so long overdue it's painful.
I would like someone who understands me, and someone who I can get to know.
It sucks.

I hope I'm understood.

Writing in this blog has been really helpful. I come on here and I vent, because not that many are around to listen to my bullshit. I'm really happy with what I have, but I'm hoping for the things I haven't experienced yet. I would like to experience a solid relationship with a great girl, because I need to know what thats like to continue with my quest for a healthy relationship for my future. I dont want to be like my parents, dont want to be like my friends. I wanted to be myself. The best way to do that is to reinvent myself from experiences that had their pros and cons.

Blah.
Alright.
Goodnight.
Whoever reads this... thank you.
-Pete

New, and old.

Today was just a regular friday I guess.
I managed get some relaxation in this afternoon, so that was nice.
I have a session rehearsal tomorrow for some singer songwriter stuff that should be pretty fun to do.
I'm feeling pretty good about myself lately. Everything is falling into place. The only things that I want to get done are my 2 class make up finals and projects, and then I'll be happy to go on with the rest of my life.

I was talking to a friend today about Nicole and how I had the most amazing convo a few days ago. I was really impressed with myself in what I say to him when we got on the subject of women at my school. We talked about all the girls who are just looking for those "protective" men. I'm frequently a target of those kind of girls. I reject every one of them. I'm not here to replace your daddy. At least not completely.
I told Nick "I never want to think of my girlfriend as anything lesser then myself". I'm all about the equality in a relationship. So I see that potential before me and I'm worried I wont have enough time to act on it. I'm trying to take it all in naturally though, and hoping Nicole will come around and talk to me, or me talking to her first.
Anyways, no sign of her for miles today, except for when I ended up racing to class this morning I passed her on the stairs saying hello and smiling. She seemed frustrated by something and unable to react quick enough even though I heard a hello back.

On another note I quit drinking for the semester. I figured I would see how life would be on the sober side every week. Its been very positive so far. I hope it continues to be that way, fighting temptation can be a good test of my will. I need to prove myself on very personal level this semester so everything that I'm doing is great for me.
This medication made me feel like I'm traveling a million miles an hour this week, because my anxiety is down I'm just feeding my body more work, but this weekend I will be unwinding and kicking back.

I ran into Joe, my original and only Zen teacher, after a year of basically not seeing much of him. He greated me fairly warmly and invited me to his personal meditation group during the week, I was pretty delighted about that. I'll be getting a little more guidance and group meditation has always helped me with my practice. I'm pretty stoked, I really need this right now.

Alright, have a good weekend.
Cheers.