RIP Dimebag. 5 years ago.

I've been listening to Pantera all night, I found out it's been 5 years since Dimebag was killed on stage. I love the guy and I hope he's having fun exploring the universe.

I've had a really good day, so much that I'm wondering why I'm staying up late. I can't seem to wind down correctly and its just annoying. I was hoping I could just do the usual and then head to bed. The heat in my studio has been helping me get sleepy but for some reason it just isnt enough. I don't want to sleep in till 12 or 1pm anymore.

I woke up today answering a phone call from my pops all groggy and it was already like 11:30. Or was that the day before.

If I have an important phone call in the morning its not gonna be good if I answer the phone all out of energy.

I've been getting some job interview related phone calls. There are a few opportunities out there, I'm hoping something moves quickly since its been sort of slow. I'd really like to start working soon, hopefully that will happen shortly.

I need to be more kind of myself. I was at meditation group today and I skipped out early. I meant to talk to this one girl I've had my eye on but I couldn't get myself to do it. I blamed it on an upset stomach. The sitting season was great, but my stomach kept bothering me. I shouldn't have had dinner that late.

I love getting out of my apartment, but it gets sad when I come home and no one is around to hangout with. I'd like to have a movie to watch or at least have a job or new instrument so I can be motivated to be above and beyond my usual.

I fear of being alone. I've worked really hard to get to where I am today and it's really not doing anything for me to just sit around and not enrich someone elses life with greatness. I know I've got it, I would just like to share it without going crazy from the bullshit emotional status - or whatever.

This girl I know is visiting LA right now, for a day - visiting her guy friend - whoever that is. She didn't even mention she was going to be here. Apparently coming to LA from chicago for one whole day is really worth the trip. What a sap. He's got his work cut out for him. Out of all the women there are in LA - he flys his into town for one night. Thats one classy lady.

This is all sort of irrelevant stuff because my life is moving forward here in LA, and I've found a nice place to be. I have great moments where I feel at home, I feel glad I can come to my apartment and feel warm and welcome - even if I'm just on my own. It's different but it's getting warmer.

I have a shopping list of stuff I need to buy for my place once I get A job. I'm trying not to attach myself to materialism but this is just me trying not to forget what it is I need to buy.

I've been feeling alot healthier recently - my whole diet is whole food now. I can't even stand buy groceries from the local Ralphs. I'll just get paper towels there or something.


This holiday season will be rough on me. I don't think I've ever spent Christmas alone in a long time. I'd always come home and it'd always be fairly festive. I know for a fact that everyone is going home for the holidays but I choose not to come home. Too much bullshit and I'd rather just tough it out on my own. After all I haven't even gotten a job yet, what am I gonna say. I've been to LA, accomplished nothing and I've seen nothing special. Yup.

I'm proud of the fact I'm here, I could careless that nothing has happend yet, besides my need for monetary success. I really just want to be living my own life out here, and I've never felt better about it. I want a women who loves and respects me, and I want a career that I know will not get dull and will always been challenging me as a human being. I want to make things better for the people of earth, somehow - so we can survive and thrive on other planets and in space travel.

This has been too long winded already. I feel better after writing this, starting to get sleepy....

Take care of yourself, whoever reads this ramble.