Back in Boston

Back in Boston after a number of weeks at home in rural Illinois.
It feels good to be back, I feel like I'm suppose to be here now, so it was good to come back.
I could use another week to get a hold of myself in Boston, but I dont think it makes much of a difference.
I just finished reading "Black Coffee Blues" by Henry Rollins which whom I've been admiring recently. The book was great, it made me feel slightly dreary while reading it, alot of intense life situations but I love the journal from being on the road.
One of my favorite quotes by him from the book is "Music is the reward for feeling like you've carried someone's luggage up five miles of stairs."
Absolutely excellent.
I went to work out today after taking about 3 months off. It felt great to get back in the gym, my lower back pain went away and it made me feel better, but sitting in this chair as comfy as it is doesn't.
One thing me and Henry share in common is the connection between healthy body and mind, and how they both work in harmony. People think that being fat is ok, but people dont realize how much this effects your mentality and if you mental strength is effected then its harder for you to go out and make good of this world. I wish people would see the big picture more often.
I keep looking down at myself and seeing the big picture, using my deep thought to come to conclusions and explore my feelings like never before. I feel healthy, because of this. At the same time I see how people are very unhealthy and fall into patterns among patterns. I hate that shit.
I just dont see myself doing the same damn thing ever saturday night, discussing the same lame ass topics. Its all bullshit.
I wish I had more mental strength right now to explain myself.
People that I've known for a long time have become somehow boring. I dont know. And people which I thought I knew I'm really just getting to know.
Even people who inspire you can be some of the most shallow people on the planet and it sucks ass. Some of my favorite people are the most shallow group of fuckers Ive ever met, or at least while I get to know them.
Society seems to inflict this negativity in peoples heads that everyone loves. They eat it for breakfast lunch and dinner and then they shit out their mouths. When they do that I feel alone in this world.
The shallow thoughts speak to me alot, so I dont really react right away when someone has a shallow opinion and it eventually turns me upside down. I really wish I could explain to someone how thats such a bad thing, but I think I can be seen as shallow also.
Shallowness seems like it leads to failure. And I've been really upset with some of the things people say because of that simple reason. You will fail. You need to look at your life and the things you want to do from a positive perspective.
I've become obsessed with maximizing my potential because I know its the only thing I need to do.
I recently got put on anti-depressants to ease my anxiety, and they have been helping- even though the doctor said its going to take 3-4 weeks for the meds to actually kick in.
I was pretty satisfied with my doctors visit, because usually I hate doctors, and he seemed nicer then any of them that I've had before. He was a good dude, he even told me to start working out again to burn off the adrenaline in my brian to ease my stress. It works, and things are looking positive.


In regards to my future. After I get out of school I'm probably gonna stick it out in Chicago for a year or two, if nothing positive happens then its on my way to New York or LA. Chicago can be a nice warm up. But after 1-2 years if nothing positive happens in the form of musical happenings then I'm saying fuck you and I'm leaving, don't care what anyone thinks or if anyone wants me around.

People can be as nice as they want, but when you interupt my focus on my dreams thats when I could careless about you. Thats also one of the reasons I kind of fear being in a relationship with someone at this point in time because things can be so subjective later. I could really use a nice girl and a nice relationship to smooth me over and I dont even care about sex, if thats what every lady out there gets hung up on. I'm a sexual being, but my temptations are things that will slow me down and in turn make me fail if I don't become self aware.

Girls don't believe you when you say you don't care about sex, or you don't need to get laid. Why should they believe you?
The girl of my dreams is the one that does believe me, but lets me get some here and there just because I've earned it.
Goodnight world.